Interview podcast

Episode 42: Bill Eddy and Michael Lomax on High-Conflict Personalities

In this episode, Bill Eddy and Michael Lomax discuss: 

  • How Dr. Eric Berne’s book Games People Play can help us recognize and deal with high-conflict behaviour
  • Four characteristics of high-conflict behaviour (preoccupation with blaming others, all-or-nothing thinking, unmanaged emotions, and extreme behaviours)
  • How high-conflict personalities (HCPs) can cause unnecessary doubt in mediators (and everyone else)
  • The inspiration behind the High Conflict Institute opening in 2008
  • Why the guests think high conflict behaviour and situations are increasing 
  • The percentage of the adult population that the guests think have HCPs (it’s 10%)
  • When someone’s default is to escalate conflict instead of resolve it 
  • “Disruptive physician behaviour” – one of many options on the high-conflict personality palette 
  • How people feel crazy when they’re around HCPs for awhile
  • The difference it can make in people’s lives to be able to recognize high-conflict behaviour and adjust their responses
  • High-conflict personalities in politics 
  • How unrealistic movies can be when they portray HCPs drastically changing in a short period of time
  • Mistaken beliefs of people who think they can change high conflict behaviour 
  • How to effectively screen for HCPs during the hiring process 
  • Steve Jobs as an example of how high-conflict people can help organizations thrive
  • Managing the dilemma of a highly productive HCP in an organization 
  • Enrolling employees with HCPs in coaching to see if they adjust their behaviour 
  • How leaders can effectively communicate and work with HCPs in the workplace
  • “The four forget-abouts” – what NOT to do with HCPs
  • Why it’s generally not helpful to tell someone with a HCP that they have a HCP
  • The CARS method for resolving high-conflict situations (connecting with them, analyzing options, responding to hostility or misinformation, and setting limits on misbehaviour)
  • The unnecessary discarding of people with HCPs
  • How working with HCPs requires genuine care and concern for them, and recognizing that they live in a world of distress and they actually want relief from that distress
  • How mirror neurons can be of assistance (or work against us)
  • Ways to ground yourself when preparing to engage with HCPs
  • The importance of lowering our expectations of ourselves, such as being able to change a HCP
  • Red flags that leaders should make a note of, and their responsibility to address it
  • Their email method, BIFF: brief, informative, friendly, and firm
  • The New Ways for Work coaching method
  • You can’t control another person’s behavior, but you can control your responses to their behavior
  • Two questions to ask yourself regarding whether you have a personality disorder: 1) what’s my part in this problem (people with personality disorders can’t ask themselves that question and that’s why they remain stuck), and 2) what can I do differently next time? If you can ask and answer those questions, then you don’t have a personality disorder and you can be a problem solver
  • The similarity between HCPs/personality disorders and addiction in that some people may jump to a conclusion and label them as “bad people,” but it’s more a matter of raising awareness of what’s really going on under the surface and seeing it as a practical problem rather than a moral judgment or deficit
  • How the competitive media encourages and normalizes extreme behaviour 

More About our Guests

Bill Eddy is a lawyer, therapist, mediator, and the Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute based in San Diego, California. Mr. Eddy provides training to professionals worldwide on the subject of managing high-conflict personalities and situations in over 30 states and ten countries.

Mr. Eddy is the author of several books, including:

  • It’s All Your Fault at Work: Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict People
  • Why We Elect Narcissists and Sociopaths—And How We Can Stop!

He is on the part-time faculty at the Pepperdine University School of Law and is the co-developer of the New Ways for Work coaching method for potentially high conflict employees and managers. His website is: www.HighConflictInstitute.com.

 

Michael Lomax is a highly experienced mediator/conflict resolution trainer who has assisted many government, corporate, military and law enforcement agencies, as well as human resources and union organizations on how to manage high conflict behaviour. He also has significant experience leading the design and implementation of workplace conflict management programs for large organizations. Michael is an Associate Speaker/Trainer with the High Conflict Institute based in San Diego, CA, and regularly delivers trainings across Canada and the United States. Michael is a lawyer by profession and is a non-practicing member of the Law Society of BC.

Bill’s Resources

 

Michael’s Resources

Shared Resources

Resources Mentioned in the Episode

Tags: , ,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Julia and Gordon met as members of the mediator community in Victoria, British Columbia. They share a passion for the transformative potential of conflict and how conflict dynamics play out in organizational life.

The On Conflict Podcast was born out the frustrating lack of application of mediator knowledge to some of the world’s troublesome conflicts. It’s our way of taking our work, which has been local to western Canada, to informing listeners around the world and creating a more far-reaching influence through our guests and ourselves.